Monday, September 17, 2012
Churchly News - September 2012
SubGenius Cult Management/History Course -- Starts Oct. 1 at MaybeLogic Academy
Strictly online! No need to show up on campus, as there is
no campus. Runs for 6 weeks. It's okay to join late.
For your $120 you get about $1200 worth of SubGenius media
downloads -- hundreds of hours of SubGenius audio and video available nowhere else,
plus much of the media sold in our catalog, as well as thousands of pages of
graphics (scans of old Stark Fists, Quijibos, comics, artwork, news reports,
interviews, photos, letters from the famous and the infamous, original cult-building
notes) and a book-length detailed description of damn near everything that
happened in Church of the SubGenius that I, Stang, know of. We're even
including the PDF of our book, PSYCHLOPAEDIA OF SLACK, which is now otherwise
out of print. Several live chat lessons per week will be held for those who
would like to "jam" with us or who have specific questions. Other
Church Elders helping this year include Dr. Philo Drummond, Dr. G. Gordon
Gordon and Uncle Onan Canobite. It's very loose; you don't have to participate
but can simply lurk and download if you choose. (The downloadable media fills 3
to 4 DVD-Rs.) This is the fifth but possibly the last year we will offer this
15X-Day -- A True Rehearsal for the End of the World
Just before the 15X-Day Drill started at Wisteria campground
in Southern Ohio, a devastating storm struck the area and turned all the
surrounding cities into disaster areas -- EXCEPT WISTERIA! That campground full
of SubGeniuses, alone, continued to have power, water and ice. Those who stayed
home in places like Columbus sweltered in the heat with no Internet, while at
the campground the show went on and we got many hours of recordings of great
rants, bands, live radio shows, Bobtisms, topless pillow fights etc., currently
being heard on many recent Hours of Slack: http://www.subgenius.com/ts/hos.html
Note also the links to numerous amusing new videos by Dr.
Attendance was up slightly from last year, with a lot of new
younger SubGenii as well as Church Elders such as Dr. Philo Drummond, Dr. G.
Gordon Gordon, Dr. Hal and Papa Joe Mama. Two legal (and yet romantic!)
weddings were conducted, as well as the traditional Burning of "Bob"
and the July 5 7 a.m. Saucer-Awaiting. As usual, much new swag was generated
for the event, still available from our CafePress SubStore: http://www.cafepress.com/subgen/188969
Our friend General Public has been busting ass assembling
this online encyclopedia of all things SubGenius. It's not always doctrinal and
is chock full of funny lies and horrible jokes, but it's still more accurate
than most descriptions of the Church. The graphics are very carefully selected
and there are many links to some of the best SubGenius videos and websites.
It's open to contributors, and like Wikipedia itself is potentially a
bottomless pit. Highly recommended for those eager for more inside dirt on
Stang interviewed in New World Manifesto Documentary
"I Moan TAYVAY!" Some nice multinational young
people driving a school bus full of video equipment stopped by The
Slackermansion in Cleveland Heights as part of their USA -wide documentary
project called "New World Manifesto." For once my crediting of Dr.
Drummond was included! They did a good job of culling 10 minutes from 2 hours.
Their website includes many other videos from their travels as well.
Slack Hole 2.0, Other Major SubGenius Facebook Pages
The Slack Hole was probably the most entertaining of the
SubGenius Facebook pages, but Facebook caught it being naughty and took it
away. Luckily, it rebounded as the new and improved SLACK HOLE 2.0
The most-"liked" SubFace page is the OFFICIAL
(among many fakes) Church of the SubGenius page:
and another official one is The SubGenius Foundation:
A kind of "High Weirdness," mostly reporting on
the dumbest in human behavior, is SUBGENIUS OF THE DAY:
Some Interesting Recent SubGenius-Related Links
10 Extremely Weird Religions:
HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL update
Hour of Slack listener? You might want to fill out this
The STARK FIST DAILY
Oldie but Goodie: SubGenius Comics
The "Stang Retired" Hoax
Just to tease some chronic haters, we announced in our main
Members-Only forum, ScrubGenius, and in a couple of Church Facebook pages, that
I, Rev. Stang, had retired and put the widely feared (yet also widely imitated)
Dr. K'taden Legume in charge of the Church. Much to our surprise, not only did
a lot of SubGeniuses fall for it, but it made the news despite its absurd
wording. Our immediate confession did NOT make the news, which figures. I'm not
retired. I probably CAN'T retire unless "Bob" orders it.
Reminder: My radio spoutin' buddy and prayer partner
Lonesome Cowboy Dave, with his friend Wes Jenkins, has published a new book of
DORKUS AND THE AFFAIRS OF LORD WILLING
ENDLESS YARNS! GRIPPING GRAPHICS! ! TITILLATING TINTYPES!
Set in the heart of the Brutish Empire and the uncivil belly
of Merika of the 1860's, this is a bumpy tale of a twisted aristocrat who is
conducting sovereign-sanctioned ergot
experiments on his entourage, who in turn are controlled by
fatuous forces. Dickens meets Jules Verne in Dada soaked
Donations -- THANK YOU!
When we revealed last year that we sometimes struggle
financially to keep all the Church outlets open and functioning, many people,
many of them strangers, heeded the call and donated to the Church or Hour of
Slack. I cannot express how much that meant to us. It certainly helps morale as
well as keeping the Church afloat. In a few cases the amounts caused our hearts
to soar like a hawk, but even more inspiring are the NUMBERS of people who
chose to help out, even with a buck here and there. Those contributions are as
important as the graphic, audio and SHEER GUT BLOW-OUT contributions from the
great blabbermouths, musicians and artists of the Church. It makes the constant
effort FEEL worthwhile. It brings actual Slack. Hopefully our continued work on
the radio show and the various web outlets demonstrates that Slack, and,
hopefully, spreads it around like Golden Manure.
SubGenius Books Gradually Going Out of Print
Right now we have a nice supply of THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS
and REVELATION X. BOOK is now an ebook as well and might not survive much
longer as a physical book. REVELATION X isn't even an ebook and may well soon
go the way of THE BOBLIOGRAPHON, HIGH WEIRDNESS BY MAIL and THREE-FISTED TALES
OF "BOB". All copies we sell are autographed. Get 'em while you can.
New Dr. Seuss Readings 4 Xmas
Princess Wei and I scored two more Dr. Seuss books for our
grandboys, so we each read one into the magic Zafodian location recorder. I did
the one with the monsters and Wei did the sweet one.BTW when we say "I love you" at the end we mean our grandkids, not YOU.
If I Ran the Zoo
Horton Hatches the Egg
Latest BugPorn blog on Raw Story, BugPorn YouTubes
In truth this (like most of what I send Raw Story) is old. I
have been playing with microscopes, cameras and hideous animalcules for a
couple of years now. Just before 15X-Day I whip-edited several new short
videos. Probably not for everybody. They have nothing to do with the Church of
the SubGenius really. Below is a representative sampling.
MicroBugPorn 2012, #5: DARK ORGY
The good Rev. Zafod donated a new microscope with a built-in
digital video camera, and although it's not the highest-resolution on the
planet, it's sure a lot less shaky than holding a camera against an eyepiece.
This one, with music by Rev. Two Beans, is my favorite, because it is really
pretty gross. As the water drop dries up, the Philodina rotifers from my
birdbath get crowded closer and closer together. The final shot shows a rotifer
munching out inside the EYE of a mosquito larva. Hot action! A couple of
Cladocerans or "water fleas" are shown at the beginning, one with
diarrhea and the other afflicted with parasites. This is probably the grossest
of the series. The funny thing is, billions of much uglier creatures live in
your mouth and your hair follicles -- not to mention your intestines. Praise
MicroBugPorn #2: HARDCORE
Not for children or the easily influenced. All of the
physical acts shown are real. No special effects were used.
MicroBugPorn 2012, #6: GrossOut
This one stars a Stylonychia and, at the end, a really large
and unusually Lava-Lite-like amoeba. There many other "bit parts" as
well, and a cast of untold thousands of bacteria -- although they appear only
as little dots in the murk. Princess Wei claims that the images, combined with
Rev. Just John's "Gastrik Bop" music, will sicken the more delicate
ladies. We can only hope!
MicroBugPorn 2012, #4: Swallowing
This one features many microbes and worse things cavorting
to a classic '70s-porn musical track, but the highlights are extremely close
shots of Philodina rotifers sucking food-beings into their gullet-holes. Since
they're partially transparent, you can see their throat-jaws (the
"mastax") grinding up the little wads of algae. Also clearly visible
is the glue-emitting two-toed "foot" of the Philodina, a bodily organ
shared, like the rotary mouth-cilia, by all rotifers, however drastically
different they all look from species to species.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Stang Retirement "News Release" Confession
We hate to have to reveal this so soon, but the hoax
(originally published ONLY on SubGenius sites) is already making the news --
which should tell you something about the dependability of the news.
That "news release" about Stang retiring was
merely another in a series of SubIntelligence Tests: a Gullibility Test in this
case. We truly thought it too preposterous for ANYBODY to believe. So, despite
previous similar tests, we are again sincerely surprised to see how many, ahem,
"SubGeniuses" failed utterly to see through what should have been
grossly obvious as a put-on -- especially within the context of The Church of
the SubGenius. Every now and then we do things like this to sweep out the
wishful thinkers, Gimme-Bobs, the eagerly gullible and a new species: those too
dumb EVEN to be a SubGenius (something we previously imagined to be a
contradiction in terms).
Some folks can't handle or even recognize satire unless
it has a laugh track or Smiley-Face icon attached to it, and those are NOT the
kind of people that are going to benefit from "Bob's" Church; many
such individuals have in fact become huge liabilities in times past. You might
call it "Spring Cleaning." Weeding out the "believer" types
and/or the Slacklessly judgmental -- or, rather, setting up a situation whereby
they weed themselves out in reflex butthurt ragequitting -- increases the
likelihood of the Xists coming through this year, FINALLY. For, as it says in
The PreScriptures, "The Conclusion-Jumper shall be at The Judgment."
Again, for those with reading comprehension disabilities:
I, Stang, am not retiring; we just wanted to see how
various people, especially certain chronically jealous haters, would react to a
transparently absurd hoax. We were eager to see who would WANT to believe it.
The most hilariously indignant responses were selected
for reading on HOUR OF SLACK #1365, aired last Sunday night. Special thanks to
Dr. Legume for writing the news release, and to the chronic whiner who did
everything he possibly could to get himself "banned," yet failed even
at that. What he DID manage to do was inspire this particular test session.
There will be another pop quiz tomorrow.
For those who must have this sort of thing spelled out,
the news about the SubGenius mom's missing child, and his subsequently being
found, was NOT a hoax.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Rev. Ivan Stang announced today his retirement from the SubGenius Foundation, citing his ill demeanor and declining patience with internal conflict among the members of the SubGenius Church, appointing long-time collaborator Dr.K'taden Legume to the position of President and CEO of the Foundation.
Rev. Stang will continue to produce his nationally syndicated radio program, "The Hour of Slack", and attend personal speaking engagements. Rev.Stang later commented, "I'm sick to death of dealing with idiots when my time can be better spent attempting to capture the vicious Jaggi".
Dr.Legume immediately appointed Priestess Pisces as his VP, and stated that his first order of business is to examine the membership rolls and "weed out the dead weight and the malcontents".
Legume announced that there will be a huge addendum to the church's list of banned members prohibited from attending the SubGenius Foundation's annual X-Day event, to be released to the public on June 30.
"This is the beginning of a new era for the SubGenius Church", Legume stated earlier today, "My vision for the SubGenius Church is a radical departure from the tolerant policies of the past. While I expect it to be rough at the beginning as the flock gets used to the idea of a more controlled environment and more selective and stringent requirements for membership and participation in the SubGenius community, they will realize, that, as always, my way is the best way...the ONLY way. I expect this will be a new golden age for the SubGenius Church."
Dr.Legume will be receiving a six figure salary commensurate with his duties and experience.
Friday, May 04, 2012
SubGenius Family Vacation 2011-2012, 15 X-Day, Dorkus
Some readers may have noticed that although I enjoy posting endless tl:dr rantings and anecdotes to the Ministers-only ScrubGenius forum on a daily basis, I hate "blogging," and put things on this page only to advertise something, when I HAVE to. Current spam follows.
Some nice people offered to pay me for blogging, so I have sent some of my better ScrubGenius posts and some really old ones from alt.slack when it was still, well, a SubGenius group, to RAW STORY for their new blog page CULTURE CLUTCH, which already features the great Dr. Hal Robins. None of my, er, "blogs" are posted yet but will be soon. Much of it concerns my personal ShorDurPerSavs outside of the Church, like protozoans, geologically surreal landscapes, monsters, and hiking trail restrooms.
CULTURE CLUTCH BLOG by Dr. Hal and Rev. Stang on RAWSTORY.COM
SUBGENIUS FAMILY VACATION photos
We are only one-third of the way through this project, as our winter "vacations" last 3 months now. (I pack my office into the back of the iVan.) But I'm running audio clips from it on Hour of Slack,
so it's time to post the photos of what I'm talking about on the show. There is a "best-of" section at the front for those people busy enough to not wade through the whole thing. On the other hand, if you are interested in Southwestern desert landscapes, rotting buildings, and strange names and logo-art of local beers, you might love all of it.
We have already pointed you to the main 1X-Day XV pages, but Dr. Legume has created some new videos on that subject that are worth seeing and possibly highly offensive:
The Uninvited SubGenius With the Small Hairy Penis
A Trip To SubGenius Heaven - The Director's Cut
Lonesome Cowboy Dave's New Book
Actually it is by Dave and his old buddy Wes Jenkins (heard on Hour of
Slack decades ago!):
DORKUS AND THE AFFAIRS OF LORD WILLING
It is only available as 3 kinds of e-books, not yet as a printed physical book. I bought the PDF
because that's the one anyone can read, even me.
There is also a video
Here is the accurate blurb:
ENDLESS YARNS! GRIPPING GRAPHICS! ! TITILLATING TINTYPES! A Novel by
Dave Deluca & Wes Jenkins. Set in the heart of the Brutish Empire and
the uncivil belly of Merika of the 1860's, this is a bumpy tale of a
twisted aristocrat, who is conducting sovereign-sanctioned ergot
experiments on his entourage, who in turn are controlled by dark and
fatuous forces. Dickens meets Jules Verne in Dada soaked Victoriana.
Available exclusively in EBOOK format from Puzzled Squirrel Press.
Visit Puzzled Squirrel Press for more details.
Now also available from iBooks!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
15X-Day Official Site
15 X-Day July 2-8 "2012"
Don't miss the "Instructions" and "Dos and Don'ts" pages etc. . There's plenty of new stuff there, including a triple Pipeload of great new art by Dr. K'taden Legume.
There's also an active 15X-Day Facebook page.
Friday, July 22, 2011
14X-Day Official Report Now on SubSITE (but growing)
This version has two main photo sections besides the text report:
1) Photos by Stang-Doe, now carefully identified in file names and selected in order by day, several with MP3 soundtracks -- but only from Wednesday night, the only jam we had to work from until today, and the Hour of Slack first part from Thursday. More audio (plus videos) will be added as we sort through the various choices of recordings).
2) Photos by various other SubGenii, most of them collected fom Facebook and thus mostly chronologically random due to FB's renaming of photo files. I went to exactly as much trouble to make sideways shots upright as the original posters did. I did however remove the shots that were so amateurish that there was no image at all, and those so out of focus that they might as well have been shot and posted by a Pink. Ordinary photos of ordinary-looking people eating at picnic tables were likewise removed (unless their timing was dramatic.)
3) Lists of more 14X-Day stashes of photos, audio, YouTubes.
4.) The Bobbie Awards list. Shots of Bobbie Awards recipients begin here:
What the report lacks is the gigabytes we will cull from the 23 hours of DV video, as well as most of the audio. That material will take literally weeks to sort through for Hour of Slack and YouTube use.
We retain the hottest nude shots for private trading.
Next: The endless track-division of the dozens of 2-hour audio files, and the work of making the videotapes presentable even for SubGenii.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Our OrthoStangian Convox for My Sib's Son's Perelithian Liaison
By Warden Fendant Stang and Primate Wei
Around May 26, after seeing the works of Saunt M. C. Escher at the Akronian Math, Primate Wei and myself were Vocoed for a Convox of OrthoStangians for the Aut of Perelithian Liaison of the son of my sib, Anti-C!, and a Pruittessian suur. Because we had to leave the Slackianist Concent and venture extramuros, we obtained a new cartabla for our fetch.
Along the way we stayed at various small but famed maths, using a jeejaw to communicate with our fraas and suurs at each to alert them to our approach. Travelling extramuros, one is forced to break the Discipline, and I admit that we used not only jeejaws but syntactic devices at some inns sometimes even with the help of local Itas.
The roads were good and our fetch dependable, and much of the journey was pleasurable, for we passed many a productive fuel tree and page tree orchard. We often had to use super-Allswell and Jumpweed for trade, and to prevent its discovery by the agents of the Saecular powers (and attendant wasted hours before courts of dour local Panjandrums) we hid the Allswell and Jumpweed in the back of the fetch. Also, to keep the Extras from recognizing us as Avout, we traveled sans belt, chord or sphere, wearing sline's clothing and hiding our hair beneath headgear bearing kinagrams of sports teams.
Our first stop was at the Wisterian Concent for Dialogs both Suvian and Periklynian with the Hierarchs there, concerning multitudinous details regarding the 14th Apert of X-Day. Fellow OrthoSubGenians at this Convox included Suur Pisces, Suur Joy, Fraa Suds and Fraa Nigel.
At the nearby Spencerian suvin of the Centenarians Pater and Petal Nostril, we enjoyed a traditional Messal, as elaborate as any of legend for which this Clench is known.
At the Concent of Saunt Sophie, Fraa Frop and Suur Decadence presented us with a book of specfic entitled "Anathem" by the pre-Reconsititution writer Neal Stephenson. Fraa Frop later showed a speely about uncommonly young Vlor Saunts entitled "Kick Ass," which left an impression on Warden Fendant Stang.
The agrarian math of Pa Tilles likewise proved an instructive and most enjoyable hostel. Pa Tilles presented us with the Challenge of the Vanishing Calf, a calca none has yet to solve.
While conducting Dialogs with Saunt Byron Werner and Saunt Sterno in the Arkansanian Concent, new Dobbsharkian calcas involving more than one solution were developed. *
In the Concent of the OrthoStangians we stayed with the Thousander known as Pa Pappy, and prepared for the Aut of Perelithian Liaison of my fid. There was some suspense over this Aut, as my sib's former Perelithian partner, who had been rejected from the mathic world in the Aut of Anathem, nonetheless returned from a sline prison to the OrthoStangian concent for the ceremony. Fraa Frop, my sibs and I feared that he would go Hundreder during the Aut, and we were prepared to employ vlor against him. Luckily his spinal clamp prevented violence, and to his credit he left immediately upon the completion of the Aut.
We are now back inside the gates of the Northern OrthoStangian Concent, replete with many memories, upsights, and, I must confess, a few treasured if illicit speely recordings that later generations might hopefully use in their researches centuries hence.
* The most recent Weiardian calca:
Saunt NHGH asks of The Dobbs: "Man made booze; "God" made pot. Who do you believe in?" The Dobbs replies:" Pot."