Saturday, March 05, 2005


Somedays are exciting and do lots of things

..... and sometimes I get bored and paint minis


7th Annual Cat Round-Up In Meekatharra

Western Australia - It started out as a wager some years ago, that a certain Australian Shepherd dog named "digger" could herd house cats the way his breed are known for herding sheep. So several men who live near the city of Meekatharra in Western Australia started what is becoming an increasingly popular sport: cat herding.

Meekatharra was once known for its open pit gold mine, long since abandoned, but while the pit might seem a good place for the competition, it is held on a large open field instead. The objective is for five ordinary cats to be set together in a group, then the dog must herd the cats to a cage, some 10 meters away. No mean feat, even for a highly skilled herding dog.

The cats are just strays, with no previous experience in being herded. And while the task would seem impossible for anyone to perform, the rare dog has actually succeeded in getting them all in the cage. Par performance is usually only a single cat being caged. Killing or seriously injuring a cat costs a dog points. Truckloads of caged cats are now imported for the event, a given cat only being used once before being turned loose.

Beginning with the 4th Cat Round-Up, extra spice was added to the event by awarding the owners of the top dogs with illegal firearms and ammunition in addition to a sizeable purse--something guaranteed to attract the harshest scrutiny from the Australian government. But no one in the closed fraternity has yet been arrested. And because the animal welfare movement in Australia if far less powerful than its English or American cousins, prospects are small that enforcement will happen, at least for the next few years.

But what started out as a local event of a few friends eight years ago has grown as an underground, and unlawful, sport much like cock fighting in the US. It is the ultimate contest for Shepherd owners, and some have come from as far away as Scotland to participate. Last year's event drew a crowd of several hundred, yet was either not known to the local authorities or was ignored. The banning of fox hunting in Britain has assured this years' event to be a sell-out.


The truth about subgenii

Let's get this straight once and for all. All Subgenii are Arseholes. Every last one. Yes, even me. Yes even Stang. Yes even you.
Why? It is a particular failing of humanoid carbon based life forms. Can't be helped really. Nothing to be done about it. Even the yeti genetics can overcome the human basis in bio-chemical structure.
I think of something I remember a German subgenius saying to me, which I am sure he got from somewhere else... "As a subgenius, I respect your right to be an asshole. As a subgenius also I respect my right to call you one."
So I keep dropping outta IRC, not showing up to X-Day, not posting to alt.slack... why? Because I kept getting caught up in the damn schism dramas. "Oh the folks on the server are pansies and cant take a joke" "Well, the folks on are cruel, unfair, and like to kickban for no reason" "Oh, Mags is a motherf*cking b*tch." "Oh Mags, is the mother goddess of the church." "When the end comes we should kill all the pinks" "When the end comes we should keep the pinks alive as our slaves" "People like THAT shouldn't be in the church" "WHO CARES IF THEY ARE PINK AS LONG AS THE MONEY IS GREEN!!!!"
Generally speaking we all annoy the hell out of each other. Some of us enjoy doing it too. Some of the annoyance is based on the simple fact that many of us really have no basic social skills anyway. Some of it has to do with mental issues and some hygiene. Some of us just really should stay in our caves.
But the brilliance of this church, is in the mess of poop, rubble, and maggots, there can sometimes be found a great shiny thing of wonderfulness. It seems if arseholes slosh around in the poop, rubble and maggots long enough, the Yetiness causes mutations and the unexpected occurs.
IRC Kids, you know what, keep being that way, keep talking crap. But when you guys all meet at Xday i bet you wont turn down an Ale-8, a beer, or a fropstick from any of you "enemies"


V P Dobbs

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The Moraxian Live Journal Quilt

The Moraxian Live Journal Quilt
5th row 3rd column, I swear that looks like Susan.
Not that you'd know Susan.
But if you did know Susan, you would agree with me.

"Oh, it encourages violence to women! How can you post this stuff!"
Oh for fecks sake, you know some women like bondage for FUN. Yes you femi-nazis, some women get wet between the legs when their girlfreind or boyfriend ties them up.

And while i am at it. I FECKING LIKE PORN. AND STRIPPERS. If you want to stop degradation, make sure the women in the sex industry are regulated and protected from HIV and AIDS maybe even encourage unionization. A LEGALIZE HOOKERS, if prostitution was legalized then it could be regulated, no more clap-ridden crack whores, just clean women and men, free of disease!

oh I will shut up now.


c0rn 2425

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Friday, March 04, 2005



Someday I shall be King
of all the En-gl-ish,
For that is what my Nursie says I'll be.
So I don't do what others
have to do themselves,
I have my servants do it all for me.

For instance, each morn' I
don't put on my own clothes,
Or pour myself a drink when I'm at tea.
Or blow my nose when I
give out a sneeze or two,
Or wipe my dirty hands upon MY knee.

I don't ever, ever
have to get a whipping.
My Nursie takes it on the ass instead.
I'm not too sure what I
did bad most of the time,
But Butler has to tie her to the bed.

It's jolly good to
be one of the monarchy.
I get to play Polo upon my horse.
(It's really just the
Gard'ner wearing bondage gear.
A real horse is dangerous, of course.)

My granny is the Queen
of all the En-gl-ish.
She's stinker rich but tight as a drum head.
She really cried to pay
that twenty thousand crowns
To have me Mummy killed until she's dead.

My daddy Charles is a
bit weak in many ways.
He has to keep these things shoved up his bum.
He does stuff like lick the
boots of Auntie Camille.
You'd think that it would blacken up his tongue.

Someday I shall be King
of all the En-gl-ish,
For that is what my Nursie says I'll be.
I'm glad I had something
of a normal childhood.
Not perverse like the rest of my fam'ly.



'Twas Brillig and the Spermy Dogs, A Mighty
Pleasure Dome Decree'd, and safely tied Her
to the mast, o'er the tomb of a hundred head.

I don't think I shall ever see, by the shores
Of Gitche Goomee, the Village Smithy standing
There, with Alice, mind all full of bread.

Who, with little lump of leaven, leaveneth the
Whole loaf, shall snicker-snack and wackity
Whack, and turn the mess of pottage into lead.

What scrap of paper this? to wend our merry way,
To Flanders Field, the knight did therefore
Yield, and drank my favorite flavor, Cherry Red.

What, Hark! through yonder window breaks, and
Roar of Lightning, Flash of Thunder, what busts
Our bonds of bondage, and shits us on our bed?

THE HAUNTED SHITTER SITS there still, it's silent
Visage subtly stinking, and makes me ponder, like
The Thinker, that I shall shit there, "Nevermore!"




What Patriopsychotic Anarchomaterialists Believe

This is my yard. There are many like it, but this one is mine. It is my slack. I must soak in it as I must soak in my life. Without me my yard is useless. Without my yard, I am useless. I must protect my yard true. I must slack off more than my neighbor who is trying to annoy me. I must annoy him before he annoys me. I will. My yard and I know that what counts in home ownership is not the lawns we mow, the condition of our flowebeds, or the trees we prune. We know that it is the gloating that counts. We will gloat.

My yard is SubGenius, even as I am SubGenius, because it is my slack. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weeds, its grass, its soil, its shade, its front and its back. I will keep my yard fertilized and watered, even as I am fertilized and watered. We will become part of each other.

Before Dobbs I swear this creed. My yard and I are the defenders of my realm. We are the masters of our neighbors. We are the saviors of my slack.

So be it, until victory is my family's and there is no goddamn dogshit on my side of the fence.


Free Blowjob

Free Blowjob


The Conservative SubGenius

"I wish to thank those who have been admirably relentless
in reminding us when the line between doing a good thing
and thinking a bad thing has been crossed."
-- Frank DiGiovanni

As a responsible opposing viewpoint to Lilith, I would like to posit how a conservative SubGenius views the world, and how it really isn't that offensive garbage put out by reactionary extremists and religious fanatics. I'll do this by giving a few philosophical generalities, followed by a list of platform ideas that both fit into the philosophy, and pass the acid test of reasonableness.

Logic, Science and Ethics are a good place to start. If public policy can't pass these musters, then it is no good.

"Logic" just means that it makes sense, as in common sense, or consensus. Extremists hate logic, because it usually means that they don't get their way, instead having to take something that the majority prefer, or will at least accept. And they just can't abide not winning.

But a problem with logic is that it can be scientifically or ethically wrong. So it needs to be tempered further. Science can tell if something is possible, if it is practical, and if a technology can pulled off in the real world. When properly applied, science bugs extremists even more than logic, because it is based on realism, not idealism. Science, like the US Constitution, really doesn't care what God or gods think. It has its own rules, and as long as something conforms to those rules, it is scientific; if not, it isn't scientific. Nothing more, nothing less. It is like following the rules of the game of chess. You either follow the rules or you don't. But if you don't, you aren't playing chess.

Finally, both logic and science need to be conditional on ethics. Please note, right from the start, that I did *not* say "morality".

The typical American on the street, if not the dictionary, distinguishes between the two words. Ethics is obeying the written law, composed and enforced by people. You either follow this law or you don't. Morality is obeying what God or gods told some shaman years ago, and other shamen have been interpreting what that God or gods wants ever since, usually to the shaman's profit. Morality varies based on whatever gods you worship. Which is why it has no place in creating public policy.

Ethics, however, is *not* relativistic. Or it shouldn't be, at least. "Situational ethics" is a damnable practice, and really demeans people. When you think of situational ethics, think of the movie 'Breaker Morant'. First ethics are twisted to encourage war crimes "out of need", and then ethics are twisted again, after the fact, to punish the war criminals for doing what they were told.

Ethics in the real world need to be defined ahead of time. That is, defined by the democratic process. If enough people are convinced that stem cell research is "ucky", and if it passes through the process and is enacted into law, then stem cell research might pass the 'logic' and 'science' tests, but fail ethically. So it should be banned, until there is enough democratic pressure to allow scientists to experiment with it again. Note: I did *not* say banned by Presidential fiat.

A good definition of ethics is something that encourages more ethical behavior. Circular logic, I know, but there are deeper meanings.

Ethics also must be defined ahead of time, because unlike continental Europe, which is under Roman Law, and thus anything not specifically made legal by the government is, by definition, illegal; in the US, we use Common Law, which has as a precept that anything not specifically illegal is legal. So unless you define ethics ahead of time, scientists can do all sorts of things: reanimate dead tissue, build death rays, put the brain of a man into the body of a gorilla, etc.

Last but not least, the Conservative SubGenius recognizes that democracy is the best system going. Now, if you think that socialism is better, then join the military. Seriously. The military and prison are the two most perfect examples of socialism around, and they are inherently socialistic. But I sure as hell don't want to live like that if I don't have to.

Platform ideas:

1) Drugs. Anything addictive should be absolutely prohibited to minors, as their brains are far more susceptible to addiction than are those of adults. Anyone giving addictive substances to minors should be given a minimum of a year in prison. That being said, there is no reason to control the flow of drugs other than to insure quality and purity. There should also be no compunction on either private insurers or the government to pay for any damages attributed to this use. However, it is very reasonable to help those addicted to overcome that addiction as a health care responsibility.

2) Guns. Gun control should be proportional to population density. The fewer people in an area, the more guns to trouble the neighbors. When you think of guns, remember the difference between Roman Law and Common Law.

3) Prisons. Prisoners should be sent to live in tents and perform work that will be both beneficial and creative. Large scale environmental projects like the depression-era CCC: planting forests, improving Indian reservations, repairing environmental damage, etc. Better for them and better for the country. And let the non-violent offenders go. For misdemeanors, use the Singapore solution of fines instead of jailtime for about everything.

4) Foreign Policy. Conservatives understand this. Liberals do not. This is a problem that liberals must correct. They can still be liberals and know foreign policy, but it is not something they should learn on the job. Don't trust Jacques Chirac. He cares about France first, the EU second, and to Hell with the US, unless there is something in it for France or the EU. That's his job.

5) Taxes. Flat taxes are proving to be a smash hit in the half dozen countries where they are being tried right now. They clearly pass the tests of logic, science, and ethics. Corporate taxes should be abolished, as there is no reason for them to exist in economics. They make no sense, except as an impotent revenge by people who hate corporations, philosophically.

6) Sexuality. In private and not involving children in any other way than producing them is fine. Intentionally spreading disease is not acceptable.

7) Abortion. Fine. But not *just* legal. The emphasis should be on "safe". That is, abortion should be readily available, but only as practiced by good doctors, not the butchers who do it today. Which leads to:

8) Medicine. Except for in limited circumstances, get both the insurance companies and government out of the health care system. It actually worked rather well before the government jumped in with both feet. HMOs are *not* privatized medicine, they are a reaction to government and insurance company intrusiveness, and almost as bad. The evolution in medicine right now is in the direction of free enterprise, with expenses halved, better care, exception to legal liability, and greater privacy. Which leads to:

9) Welfare. The government should take care of the poor, but only the poor. Social Security should be returned to being solely a retirement system for those minimum-wage people who have none. Medical services can be reasonably rationed for the poor, denying only procedures that are egregiously expensive and don't work, and with an emphasis on preventative care. The government could also provide them very high quality housing in such a way that they would neither be de-humanized, or clustered together in ghettos. Food for the poor should be free, and relatively unlimited. The US has excess food running out its ears.

10) The Democratic Revolution. Democracy is the first, and most successful, revolutionary movement. There are no people on the Earth who would not profit from greater democracy. It is not just a system of government, but a mindset of how to live. It is the enemy of tribalism, racism, xenophobia, religion, barbarism, and sexism. Every time it has been set aside for pragmatic goals has resulted in a disaster. Anyone who says that some people is "not ready for democracy" is a racist and a bigot.


Voting In Syria


Skullfarming among the Kossacks

Not so long ago, blogs were considered the stuff of the self-indulgent, pretending that their interests mattered to enough people to make it worthwhile to share. (Frankly, I think Janor would be pissed to find so many "shy egomaniacs" out there are simply mal-aligned normals. But I'll start caring about Janor when he accomplishes something more beyond making a living inside a cardboard box.) But never mind Janor, and never mind the self-indulgent type of blog. I'm talking about the kind of blog that gets mentioned in the news and makes politicians tremble. Yes, the political blog.

It's no secret that, for the past several months, I have been slumming on the Democratic blog It's also no secret that I am "out" as a SubGenius there--I've even had random Kossacks ask if I was that Popess Lilith. It's been interesting, thus far. You'd think that, given the stereotypes of "them libruls" out there, a SubGenius with a screwed-up sense of humor would not be able to exactly fit in--that, in fact, the only purpose a SubGenius could have would be to serve as the shit-flinging, masturbating monkey terrifying the sensibilities of up-tight Pinks at the Daily Kos Zoo.

But damn it, as it turns out, there's plenty of shit-flinging, masturbating monkeys already there. Figuratively speaking, of course. For the Daily Kos is structured as user diaries which get recommended by readers and thus elevated to the front page. And out of all the diaries on the site, one makes the Recommended List day after day--"CHEERS & JEERS" by Bill In Portland Maine, winner of the 2004 Koufax Award for best series, and an endless source of delightful fucked-up-beyond-all-belief weirdness. Any Morality Police--regardless of political belief or affiliation--would be horrified by the contents of a day's postings.

The premise is simple enough--Bill In Portland Maine starts off by posting that which he is currently CHEERing or JEERing about. Bill is a great guy, and appreciates a good fart joke as well as any gay man should, but that's just the start. With a simple "Floor's open" he invites the Daily Kos readership to add their own CHEERS and JEERS in the comments. So what? So, that inevitably leads to comments upon the comments, getting progressively weird as the inside jokes build. The page's margins get wider and wider, and next thing you know, someone's declared a race to the margins, to see whose comment can get to the right margin first. Think of it as cascading, USEnet style, for the 21st Century. Then there are the infamous, dangerous Mojo Loops--the less said, the better.

So why the hell am I working the Democratic side, rather than terrorizing the Free Republic, Little Green Footballs,, or any of the other right-wing blogs out there? Well, hell, for one, if I'm going to be screwed either way, I demand a choice in the matter. "Some ways are fun!" And, frankly, I'd prefer to be screwed by the likes of, say, Senator Barbara Boxer, rather than Rep. Tom DeLay. Call me biased. Also, while there can be quite a bit of dead-serious, overwhelming, slack-draining postings on Daily Kos, there are oases of slack here and there. I have yet to see anything resembling slack on The Other Side. Sure, they got the hate down pat, but that's all. Hate without slack is like a fire in your living room, without a fireplace. And frankly, I'm all for destroying this world--when I'm damn good and ready. Unlike THEM, I am in no rush.

Thursday, March 03, 2005


I got IN!

OK, so I'm IN. It isn't as thrilling as some of my other first times IN, mind you, but it beats being OUT.

At least for a few moments, I was able to blot out the hideous boredom of my entire existence.

This is good.


so this is where we can get our bloggs off?

well then all must behold the power of the seven bladed thingy!!


A Darned Good Idea

With such a massive undertaking now ongoing to digitize books for the Internet, an old convention might be reborn. If you find an old, unabridged dictionary from way back, beneath each definition, there is a sentence using the word in context, taken from any number of books of the period.

For example, after the word "knight" is defined, a citation is made: "A soldier, by the honor-giving hand/Of Couer-de-Lion knighted in the field." - Shak.(espere)

So with the state of the art software dictionaries and grammer checkers out there, why not have an automatic context reference? It could show you any number of sentences using a given word, and it could even expand to show you a paragraph or even a page context for the word. In doing so, it would also introduce you to perhaps an interesting author, like a version of Google, but for online books.

Once such books are digitized, it would be a small matter to use a few thousand books from the best authors as the 'standard' for most word contexts. But no reason to limit it to that. Especially when some writer is composing on a particular topic, he would have very quick access to a vast bibliography, just based on a given word search. And for each different word he checks, the bibliography would be different, catching factual errors as well as grammatical and spelling errors.

Say the writer writes a statement of fact, such as "All roses are red." If he highlights then checks the word "roses", he not only sees its definition, and perhaps a thesaurus suggesting a dozen synonyms, but also how various authors use the words "rose" and "roses" in context. In the instant bibliography about roses, he notices somewhere that there are many references to non-red roses. So he can go back and change his error before he publishes.


Albino Porn

Whilst touring yet another dollop of bulldada, I noticed the term 'albino porn'. Well, I couldn't help but Google that phrase and I'm still none the wiser.


Something beautiful will grow

If you are unlucky to be viewing this in MSIE, then press Ctrl+A:

(it works to a lesser degree in Firefox too)


Blind Man's "Bob"

It was a really great day. Dave sat on a park bench just soaking up the rays. He drew in a big breath, stretched his upper body, and exhaled. "Ahhhhh... Damn, I'm good!" he said to himself.

Dave had a good reason to feel great, for he had just closed out the biggest deal of his career as a broker for Dunder, Freep and Fnord; a deal that guaranteed him number one status at the firm at worst, and a full partnership at best. "Oh, yass! I be bad! Who be bad? I be bad! I'm da man!"

He reflected for a moment. A huge house, a beautiful wife, a sporty car, a healthy, buff body clad in a Brooks' Brothers suit, and a diamond-gold Rolex. "I'm set for life" he thought.

Suddenly, his reverie was interrupted by a foul odor.

Dave sneered involuntarily, and looked in the direction of what smelled like rotten fish sauteed in pig shit. He started. For out of nowhere, standing next to his bench was the filthiest, nastiest, scabbiest, foulest-looking excuse for a sub-human beggar he had ever seen.

Dave drew back. Then he realized that *it* was blind.

He could only imagine how grotesque the undoubtedly pustule-covered, infected, and maybe even maggot-ridden sockets behind those pitch-black wrap-around glasses were. The very though made him want to vomit. And then it spoke.

"Hexcuuse thmee, snir or madam, isth this bench snaken?" the man said, while wiping a long green snot from his upper lip with his ragged sleeve.

"My GOD!" thought Dave, "It even has a hairlip!"

Dave was in such a state of shock, he couldn't voice a response before the creature flopped down on the bench right next to him. Dave winced as the creatures hand fell upon his left wrist, soiling his shirt sleeve.

"Thnay! Thnat feels like a Whrolex! Isn't thnat a Whrolex whristwhatch?" the man said to Dave, "You haknow? Hi used to have a Whrolex whristwhatch snoo!"

"Oh. Really?" was all that Dave could say, still feeling faint and wishing for police aid.

"Yeth. Backth when Hi wath a big hlawyer--a PARTNER with Hninkle, Thnorpe, and Thwack" said the man.

Dave was taken aback. Utter nonsense! Why, this man--this thing--could no more have worked as a--a janitor for the respected firm of Hinkle, Thorpe, and Thwack, than a negro could hope to be elected President!

The man seemed to sense what he was thinking, and said, "Hno! I know what hyur sninking! But it wath hexactly thirteen years and thirteen days hago Hi hwas sitting on THNIS EXACT SNAME BENCH, whnen this FILTHY, DITHUSTING, DERANGED blind thbeggar sat hanext snoo hme!"

The man continued. "And he said thnat if I didn't give him my Whrolex whristwhatch, thnat Hi thwould be under the thname curse thnat he had been under fnor THIRTEEN YEARS HAND THIRTEEN DAYS!"

Dave couldn't say a word until he realized that the man was trying to get his precious $15,000 watch, and greed overcame his fear, and he blurted out, "I'll be damned if I'll give you my watch, you disgusting old man!!"

Ignoring him, the man continued, "Hand hit hall began--the CURSTH I hmean, when hmy watch just SUDDENLY stopped hnworking!"

Without thinking, Dave glanced down at his watch.

It had stopped!

In a panic, Dave tore the watch from his wrist, threw it at the man, and ran away screaming in terror from the park.

A short time later, another homeless man spotted the blind man still sitting on the bench. "How's it going, "Bob"?", he said.

"Not bad", the man replied, his glasses up on his forehead, his piercing blue eyes admiring the watch he now sported on his own wrist.

"Another day, another Rolex" was the last thing he said, before shaking the powerful magnet from his right sleeve and sauntering away.



Children, you are very little,
And your bones are very brittle;
If you work hard, so not to lack,
You will never learn to Slack.

Though you are surely bright and flip,
All their schooling you must skip;
Be insolent and smarmy to your teachers,
And never listen to your preachers.

Happy hearts, young happy faces,
Never come from eating feces;
But kicking ass in ancient ages,
Was how became you kings and princes.

The unkind sloth and the unruly,
The glutton who does eat unduly,
The greedy knave who ne'er will lack,
These be practitioners of Slack.

The cruel children, crying babies,
Vicious as mad dogs with rabies,
Hated by their lessers who lack,
Who ne'er will possess this Slack.

Vain as a peacock, stylish fob,
Advantaged in this life by "Bob",
Evading mountainous debts to pay,
Aboard a saucer on X-Day.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Supreme Court Gets Scary (pdf file)

When the Supreme Court decided to abolish the practice of States executing individuals who had committed capital crimes as juveniles, it also made two tentative steps into what had been forbidden ground for the court. The Constitutional purpose of the Supreme Court is very limited to several very specific actions. In this case, their decision was supposed to rest solely on the constitutionality of the death penalty.

Appeals courts, including the Supreme Court, are not supposed to try or re-try a criminal case. Their job is to determine if a lower courts trial was conducted in a constitutional manner. And that is all they are supposed to do. Otherwise they subvert the entire trial system.

However, in this case, as expressed in the majority opinion, the Supreme Court did two very questionable things. The first was to overturn the practice of the execution of juvenile criminals which they remarked was supported by public opinion, the public wanting less and less to execute such people.

Public opinion has traditionally not mattered at all in appeals cases. Appeals court judges are not experts in public opinion, and public opinion can change. It should have nothing to do with the constitutionality of a law. For example, in the infamous Dred Scott decision, the Supreme Court ruled that runaway slaves in free States had to be returned to their slave owners. It was a highly unpopular ruling, but it was the law as enacted by Congress, and it did, clearly, pass constitutional muster at the time.

But even more insidious, this time the Supreme Court included a mention that international courts have long condemned the practice of executing juveniles, and those who had been juveniles when they committed their crimes. Now, Justice Kennedy, the drafter of the opinion, was careful to say that this really wasn't a factor in their decision; but he sounds smug about conforming to international legal opinion.

And that is a wrong as if he smugly stated that, though it didn't influence his decision, he was pleased that he reached the same conclusion as had his astrologer, some days before.

For future reference, by including these two bizarre statements in their decision, they have condemned it to being overturned by a more conservative court in the future. And yet, again smugly, they have assured that perhaps 50 vicious killers, condemned to death by a jury of their peers, across the US, shall never find their just desserts, unless they kill some other prisoner or guard, after this decision is overturned.

And overturned this law should and must be. The judiciary can no more be allowed to exceed their constitutional mandate any more than should Congress or the President. Ironically, the constitutional content of the decision itself, as to whether such executions are constitutional, may have been made with flawless logic, but still must be invalidated because of these transgressions.


March SubGenius Saints

1 Obeisance before the Blessed Coney Day
2 St. Wonder Woman
3 St. Newmar
4 St. Bulwer-Lytton
5 St. George Carlin
6 St. Quisling/Treachery Day
7 St. Barbara Eden
8 St. Weird Al
9 St. Millard! Fillmore!
10 St. Mussolini
11 St. Bela Lugosi
12 St. Houdini
13 St. Firesign
14 St. Archimedes and Pi approximation
15 St. Edward G. Wood
16 St. Hercules
17 Feast of the Blessed Leprechaun/All Snakes' Day
18 St. Barney
19 St. Maxwell Smart
20 St. Xena
21 St. Jack Slade
22 St. Keef Richards
23 St. Charles Ponzi
24 St. Baghwan Shree Rajneesh
25 St. Brian Michael Bendis
26 St. Nero
27 St. John Ramsey/St. Patsy Ramsey
28 Palmistry Sunday (approximate)
29 St. Erik Satie
30 St. Dana Plato
31 St. John Dillinger


Bad Idea: Shame Criminals By Making Them Look Like Clowns

Cambodian police frustrated by constant gang activities have resorted to a novel approach to shame offenders into changing their ways and began giving them silly haircuts as part of their punishment, police said.
A local mass circulation Khmer-language newspaper featured a front page colour picture of three young gangsters with a large stripe shorn out of their hair down the middle and the sides, and their hair teased out like clowns - a move police hope will shame appearance-conscious young scoundrels into reform.

Oh, great. They've never heard of the Insane Clown Posse, or any number of the other Evil Clown icons.


God Loves Anal Sex

Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts these stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage...


Fickle Policy


Free At Last, Thank "Bob" We're Free At Last

The (AZ) House of Representatives voted Tuesday to let people carry weapons — including guns, grenades, rockets, mines and sawed-off shotguns — into schools, polling places and nuclear plants as long as they say they are only trying to protect themselves...



Click me for Subpr0n, the best kind.


Rev Stang: We Need A New Multimedia Newsgroup

We need a new multimedia newsgroup.

We need alt.binaries.multimedia.slack

Alt.binaries.slack COULD be used for movies and albums, but that would wreck it for the wimps who cannot or won't use what they need for multipart binaries -- and, more importantly, if a.b.s. goes from being a "picture and occasional song or rant" newsgroup to a MOVIES newsgroup, it will likely be dropped by the wimpier ISPs.

For instance, as it stands now, a lot of people can get a.b.s. even as wimpishly as through AOL. But alt.binaries.movies-vcd for instance is NOT available. ISPs can't handle that much volume. And Hollywood frowns on those groups.

So I sometimes post our movies in those larger movie newsgroups. But I kinda hate to GRACE the unsaved with our binary wonderment and would much rather we had our own gigantic NG in which to stash gigantic files. Granted, such a newsgroup would be no more accessible to the wimps than the existing ones, but it would keep the material from the grubbing eyes of Pinks while also not turning a.b.s. into a multimedia group.

I tried to initiate such a newsgroup last year, but utterly failed due to some peculiarity of my ISP.

I wonder if a Newsgroup Starting God whose name starts with M might be able to hep us out. And I do mean HEP.

The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius


No, Senator Ted Stevens, You Are Wrong

Senator Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, believes that the entire United States needs a single standard for "decency". By saying this, he admits profound ignorance of American society as a whole, and regional and local differences in particular. Years ago, the Supreme Court decided that these differences are so great that it is *not* the job of the federal government to impose itself, either to establish a standard for "decency", an ill-defined term, *or* to establish a standard for "indecency", the flip side of the argument.

And that *should* be the national standard. Because there are just as many people who wish to enjoy the "indecency" that the Senator would abhor, as there are people who would find the Senator's definition of "decency" to be immoral, perverted, obscene, and irreligious.

Something that the Senator has probably not considered. That what he proposes actually *forces* people to be exposed to what *they* call "indecent" material. And not "indecent", by dint of being vapid, mediocre, insipid, trite, and stupid, as a lot of self-censored content, but "indecent" because it truly *does* violate the beliefs of many people.

The FCC just decided that the self-censorship of 'Saving Private Ryan' was unneccessary, because the FCC didn't perceive violence, mayhem, graphic murder, and the carnage of war to be "indecent". But who are they to tell a small town in rural America that such horribly "indecent" things such as this are acceptable?

And at the same time a woman's breast is "indecent"?

It is *not* the woman's breast that is truly "indecent", it is the filth within the mind of this U.S. Senator that is "indecent". To even propose such legislation puts him in the same social category as someone who tries to sell pornography to school children, hoping to lure them into perverted acts. Does he believe that giving weapons to children is good? Hardening them to human suffering? Immersing innocents in horror is an enriching learning experience?

Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, should be ashamed of himself. He has no decency.


MINITRU now offers the HOUR OF SLACK via BitTorrent

THE SUBGENIUS to distribute the award-winning religio-propaganda
program, "Hour of Slack," via BitTorrent. On February 13, 2005, at the
stroke of midnight, torrent files for "Hour of Slack" were made
available at .

Underground radio program "Hour of Slack" will continue to air in
several U.S. markets, including Cleveland, Ohio, and Atlanta, Georgia,
in its traditional format as a syndicated radio show. It is also
available for direct download from the Church's website, at
. However, this
bold move is expected to expand listenership into several thousand new
markets, and may very well spell the end of life on Earth.

BitTorrent is a popular and free "peer to peer" application, written
by unawakened Yeti descendant Bram Cohen. It has since revolutionized
the way large files are transfered over the Internet, and continues to
chagrin the American RIAA and MPAA. It remains legal in the United
States and most international jurisdictions.

"Even Iraqis, Belgians, and Iranians will be able to finally hear the
word of 'Bob'," proclaimed Doktor Armand Geddyn, founder and Secret
Chief of the Ministry of Truth, in an obvious reference to the "Axis
of Evil."

"The people of these repressive regimes know all too well what a
Living Hell life on Earth can be," he continued, "and they are prime
to receive the Dobbsian message of freedom, slack, and "Bob's"
boundless, ultimate love for all dues-paying faithful."

"Oh, and the fiery death that will reign from the heavens when all
nonbelievers are soundly exterminated by the mysterious, inhuman Men
from Planet X," added Dkr. Geddyn. "They'll eat that part up."

No other religious radio broadcast, including the overwhelmingly
popular programs, "Focus on the Family" and "Window on Islam," are
available internationally on the BitTorrent networks. The Hour of
Slack was one of the first radio shows to take advantage of Internet
streaming technology, and the BitTorrent distribution is the logical
next step.

Former presidential candidate Alan Keyes, who is allegedly made of
beef, was unavailable for comment by press time. Press inquiries
should be directed to Dkr. Geddyn, preferably by tantric telepathic


About the Ministry of Truth: The Ministry of Truth is a shadowy
organization based in Austin, Texas, and is described as Austin's
"most fashionable UFO mind-control cult." Its community outreach
programs include Santa awareness demonstrations, battling cybernetic
dinosaurs from the distant past, and children's literacy campaigns.

About the Church of the SubGenius: The Church of the SubGenius is
America's most successful for-profit religion, founded by the
enigmatic Texas millionaire J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. It is currently
headquartered in Cleveland, Ohio, under the stewardship of Sacred
Scribe Ivan Stang. Pamphlets promising eternal life, or triple your
money back, are available by sending one dollar (US$1) to PO Box
181417 Cleveland Hts, Ohio 44118-1417 USA.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


How to join this blog

I *just* started this thing, so please allow for some bumbling. I gather you provide a username, password, and an email addy. No idea if the email has to be valid or not. But check back frequently, as I will probably post considerable bulldada here before I burn out.


The SubGenius Must Have Slack

With a hearty welcome to the denizens of alt.slack, and, if they can be lured here, the folks at #subgenius on

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