Saturday, April 23, 2005
Guess where this is going
Hey kids! Who wants to go swimming?
Friday, April 22, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
This Year's X-Day Theme
Also, in conjunction with the theme camp awards, there will be a False Idol Contest! Construct your own version of a worshipful object and be prepared to display it outside your campsite and in the False Idol Parade.
See you all soon!
-Rev. Nickie DeathChick
Monday, April 18, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
SEE IF TOM TERRIFIC DELAYS DEATH...FLYING IN THE FACE O JUSTICE W/OUT A NET LOSS
Embattled GOP Head Of The Household Head HUMPire Tom DeLay-o'-DuhLand Declares "Butter-up!" To The Louisville Slug-Her Lobby :
"Line up to lick my ass or get thee gone for my country 'tis of killing thee!"
by Rev. Dr. Mike Burns, Church of the SubGenius "blowhole"
["Read Me, Print Me, Arrest Me: i.e., Use Me Or Sue Me."]
HOUSTON, TOO CLOSE TO NEW ORLEANS (4/17/05, FEAST OF RANDOM WALKS) -- Outhouse Morals Majority Leader Tiny Tom DeLay-O'-DuhLand, otherwise known as BadLay for obvious reasons, under fire for alleged ethics violations, accused liberal Democrats and the national media of busting his wittle balls in an off-keynote speech at the National Rifle Through Lady Liberty's Dress Association's annual Convention of Overcompensation For Small Minds & Dicks Saturday evening.
BadLay, AKA The HEXterminator, who left the bug exterminating business to assume power over eliminating people by any means necessary including white Christian magic, only briefly mentioned the ethics accusations because he has no ethics. Instead he kept telling members of the gun-rights group that he appreciated their sweet and righteous crack attack.
"When a man is in trouble or in a good fight, you want to have your ass-kissing friends around, preferably armed. I feel so good I feel a really good killing is in order tonight,'' the Republican from nearby Sugar Land Express Execution Style said. "What say we turn on Fox News and watch some poor suckers kill some towelheads?!"
To which about 2,550 NRA members cheered, having paid only $75 to swallow the 75 words BadLay only knows, and to dine on out on dead meat salad with goat's head cheese and loincloth steak tipped with poison peppercorn cognac sauce. Many wore stickers that read: "I'm drunk off sucking fat rich ass for the NRA and Tiny Tom BadLay.''
Some of BadLay's Republican colleagues have suggested in recent weeks that he resign as scrutiny builds over his overseas trips, political fund raising and his association with a lobbyist who is under federal investigation. As well as for selling America's soul to God for nothing and for just plain being a total fucking fraud.
A district attorney in Texas is investigating a political fund raising scam committee Klu-Klux-Klandestinely called Scuzzbuckets o' Benjamins, that BadLay helped launch to assist Republican candidates in the state's 2002 legislative elections.
Three BadLay associates and eight corporations have been indicted in the investigation, although three companies have reached agreements with the prosecutor. Agreements of course that they'll never do time.
BadLay has not been charged with any wrongdoing in any of the cases and has denied any legal or ethics violations. He hasn't gotten this far without knowing which judges to grease on the way up to the top of the greasy pole. Since he has such a shit dick he just had to climb the tallest phallus he could find: The Washington Monument.
More than 100 protesters gathered outside the hotel that hosted the convention, many saying they were more concerned with banning BadLay than with banning guns.
"He is an embarrassment to our district,'' said protester Patricia Baig, a 57-year-old retired school teacher from Missouri City, Texas. "He doesn't represent his district and it is time for him to do the honorable thing and suck hard on his gun's death chamber."
She added, "I ain't going to die alone and poor just for this fucker to mock my miserable existence.''
Ms. Baig, who signed her advertisement with her maiden name, P. A. Perine, "A Texas Republican for Ethical Reform -- A Rube-hicks Cube Of Contradictions In Terms And Pandora's Box Proportions" -- at a post office box in neighboring Missouri City, said she often used her maiden name and was not trying to hide from a hail of bullets.
The NRA, which as 4 million members without members, has helped elect Republican lawmakers, such as BadLay, who support the group's efforts to limit lawsuits seeking damages against gun manufacturers and distributors and to make sure a ban on assault weapons isn't resurrected like the Lord's cross hairs every year. Their motto is any gun is a good gun as long as it kills every living thing in sight.
Wayne LaDerriere, the NRA's executive vice asshole, called BadLay the NRA's steadfast bully pulpit pitbullshitter in Congress.
"His work to preserve our constitutional rights to arm forebears has earned the respect of his colleagues, our 4 million members without members, and millions of law-abiding gun owners itching to kill the poor in the name of God,'' he said.
Earlier at the gathering, hair-band air-head and off-his rocker -- a total waste of space ever since leaving the Amboy Dukes in the 60's, a musician in shame only -- a gun-rights-all-wrongs advocate, Ted Nugent urged NRA members to be "hardcore punk'd, radical extremists demanding the right to self defense that which is defenseless, to kill 'em all and let God vulture 'em out, AND of course, load up on my braying music,'' to work daily to browbeat new recruits with gun butts. He added, "Wango Tango, dudes."
That recently deceased Dr. Hunter S. Headless Thompson Gunner was a gun advocate has to always be remembered when kissing his ass good-bye. Of course, the most famous use of guns by the good old Dr. was that of blowing his own head clear off. Good Old Youth In Asia In Action For The Too Bad Too Old But Now Clear Out Of The Way.
Eric BodesBad, the Fort Get Bent County Republican chairman since 1992 and the former public relations director of Enron Into The Ground, said BadLay still enjoyed strong support at home. "Democrats can't win the seat," he said. "They can spend anything they want. Cause cousin, we already done sold our employees' souls and pension plans to God to own that district."
By 7 p.m. Saturday, about 150 demonstrators had gathered across the street from the entrance of the Paris Hilton Hotel Inheritance, where some 3,000 NRA delegates were meeting to hear BadLay. "Put the Hammer in the slammer," some of the protesters chanted, a reference to the congressman's in jest dickname.
In addition to Sugar Land Express Execution Style, BadLay's Congressional district -- which the BadLay had a cold dead hand in redrawing as part of a Republican-driven redistricting that sent Democratic legislators fleeing the state in protest of the bull's-eyes tattooed on their faces in 2003 -- sprawls over the southwest Houston suburbs and the NASA area of Clear Lake, which have grown solidly over the years in knowledge of the 3 R's: rich, racist and Republican.
But with some Republican voters siphoned off to create new districts that added to the Republican majorities in both the Texas Legislature and Congress last year, and perhaps because of BadLay's greedy carelessness, he garnered 55 percent of the vote last year -- 53 percent in Fort Get Bent County -- a drop-off from his share in his original district in previous years and below President Dupeyeah's 2004 majority of 57 percent in Fort Get Bent County.
Chris Bell, a one-term Democrat from Houston who also failed to win reelection in a new district last year, said recent accounts of BadLay's lobbyist-paid foreign trips and payments of more than $500,000 to his wife and daughter for political whoring since 2001 would alienate voters.
"Now there's menstrual blood in the water," he said. "The sharks are circling."
He added, "Now we're just waiting for the male head of the household's head wound to flow."
The ONLY good use for his better-than-thou, Take-The-Christ-Out-Of-Christian God complex and Occulture Of Life: BadLay should have used a gun on Terri Schiavo if he had any balls, brains or compassion. Then, if he had any compassion for the country, of course he would have turned it on himself.
Rev. Dr. Mike Kevorkian Burns 4 That Gun To Backfire...