Saturday, May 07, 2005

 

Zombie Maggot Orgasm

Possibly the most offensive t-shirt some of you will see all day.

Friday, May 06, 2005

 

tape-looped laughter, reversed sitar


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Our Field Trip

Our Field Trip
by James Morrison
Mrs. Roman's 7th Grade Homeroom


Our class, Brother Timothy's and Sister Theresa's went to the Natural History Museum and nature hike last Wednesday. We all had different colored buses for each class and had to bring a sack lunch for the nature hike because it was a long walk (seven whole miles.)

Our bus driver must have been new because he took the wrong turnoff got lost. I got into trouble the first time by saying to Mrs. Roman that we should ask a stranger where we were. She told me that we were in a bad neighborhood right at the edge of town and that I should sit down and stop bothering her.

We got back on the Martin Luther King Hwy after our driver went into an "Adult Club" called the "Gold Mine". Mrs. Roman said we should never go into such places because we would see all the weird stuff they do there, and that he was only there to ask directions, but it still took a half an hour before he came out.

It was really hot in the school bus and all the kids were misbehaving, not just me, and the driver tried to take everybody's mind off of it by talking about the really old glacier lake we were passing. Crystal lake used to have a summer camp there but they closed it down. The lake was low because the summer rains were late and it kind of stank.

Anyway, when we got the museum, all the boys wanted to see the dinosaurs and the girls wanted to look at the Neanderthal woman holding her hairy baby. The dinosaur looked real and Mrs. Roman got mad because I wanted to see what its skin felt like and touched it even though it had a "Do Not Touch" sign. Its skin felt cold.

I kept thinking about the dinosaur as we went on the nature hike. If the path was straight instead of snaking everwhere it would only be a mile or two. I wish I had my bicycle instead of having to walk it. Halfway through we had to stop for lunch and I got really mad because my mother had given me a sardine sandwich and I hate sardines. So I started shouting and when Brother Timothy grabbed my arm I kicked him and I'm sorry. I also got a blister which really hurts and it made me grouchy.

When we got to the end we were late and the bus drivers were calling to us again that we had to go. When we got back to school, Mrs. Roman made me go around to every 7th Grade Homeroom and apologize to everybody and then go to the Mother Superior's office and apologize to her and she made me write this report to say how sorry I am and I will never forget this field trip.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

 

Security Officer Dobbs


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Elf Accused of Spiking Heads

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) - An alleged member of a radical elf group connected to a series of rapes and head spikings has been arrested for pounding spikes in the heads of people while they sleep. Earnest L. Franklin, 226, an ethnic Elf, is accused of driving 10-inch spikes into heads last June.

Authorities believe Franklin is affiliated with the Elf Liberation Front, a loosely knit group that claimed responsibility for spiking the heads, though they deny the accusations of criminal rape, insisting that their right to substitute changelings includes "magical" impregnations.

The ELF has claimed responsibility for 22 major crimes, including spike attacks and acts of molestation across the country. The FBI has attributed to the group some $37 million in damage and deliquent child support since 1996.

In a statement released Thursday, Franklin denied spiking the trees. After his arrest, he refused to answer questions, including whether he's affiliated with ELF or Claus Industries.

Franklin told The Herald-Times of Bloomington he was targeted by authorities because of rabid anti-elf racism.

"Is it illegal to be an elf? It may not be popular with some people, but it doesn't mean we don't have a right to exist," he said.

Franklin was released on $2,000,000 bond and is scheduled to appear in court Feb. 2. Head spiking is a felony in Indiana punishable with up to life in prison and a $100 000 fine.

Edgar Leslie Feinstein, a spokesman for the North American Elf Liberation Front, said he is not sure if Franklin is a member of the ELF.

Marlin Gnome, a federal elf-control officer, said it is hard to prove involvement in the group.

"There's no way you'll ever prove who an elf is," he said. "However, we're prepared to show that he used his powers for evil and not for good."

Monday, May 02, 2005

 

Mole Eating

I thought: Who would want to eat a mole, then it dawned on me: they didn't mean that kind of mole.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

 

We Mean No Harm To Your Planet

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8X-Day


 

New Art Mines Tunnel at SubSITE

Art Mines Tunnel 21
http://subgenius.com/bigfist/pics12/index.html


FIRE UP THAT FROPSTICK, ADJUST YOUR D-PENDS, AND BEHOLD:

Over 150 new pics by Mister F. LeMur

Over 150 new pics by Heart Ignition ((NOT FOR KIDS!!))

Over 150 new pics by IMBJR ((NOT FOR KIDS!!))

Over 60 new pics by Espira

The SubGenius Coloring Book by Artemia Salina ((ONLY for kids!!)

Over 250 new pics by everybody else. ((Kids!))


I think altogether there were about 800 pictures.

Bo-nanna's pieces are in real 3D and if you have the red-green glasses,
they work.

None of the pictures are by me except for the "X-Day Logo" section --
all of those are by Princess Wei and me, many using Rev. Abnorm Nihil's
keen "X-made-of-8-Xs" idea. Mostly it's the Princess's ideas and me
just doing the button pushing in Photoshop.

Most but not all came from a.b.s.; some was emailed to me.

You -- YOU, the SubGenius reading this now -- if you enjoy the art, you
might think about ordering something from the Bulldada Time Control
Scatalog
. We're having a VERY tight month. I don't know if this is
common knowledge, but I have to pay for SubSITE, monthly, and it costs
more when we add art, and costs more yet again when the traffic is
heavy. Ordering a CDR with dozens of Hours of Slack or a DVD would help
pay for these art displays. It would help keep these great pages, and this great site generally, from going offline soon.



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