Saturday, May 14, 2005


Modemac - Meditation

In case you've had a rough day, I would like to recommend the following stress management technique that has been recommended in all the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is that it really works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one but you knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world".

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under water.

See! You're smiling already.

Thursday, May 12, 2005


SubGenius Is

Some wiseacre came up with the notion of building a web front that searches Google for any phrase that describes what "X" "is". Try it with your own name. I think you'd agree the results are pretty subjective and rather varied.

Then put "SubGenius" in, and you'll see that the list is, to say the least, interesting. Some results are obvious:

Some results are not so obvious:

Some I wish were true....

And some speak for themselves:


Hockey Masks optional

Camp Mulligan's Friday 13th party is a great way to check out the potential future venue for an unsightly Atlanta Devival.
Yes, there are whispers of devival floating on the breezes. If you would like to help the recently unemployed Epoch and Pisces get this devival thing off the ground please contact one of us of course. But devival aside, this is a very abnormal venue. A place that serves things like the HAMDOG or the LUTHER and FRIED TWINKIES.
Hamdog: A hotdog wrapped in a hamburger coated with chili and a fried egg on top
Luther: A run of the mill cheeseburger but... ON A KRISPY KREME DONUT instead of a bun.
Fried Twinkies: Not nearly as nasty as it sounds, I promise. Take a ordinary twinkie, roll it in crushed Cap'n Crunch and deep fry until the filling gets liquidy, then drizzle with strawberry and chocolate syrup.
Of course there is the normal bar fare, hummus, chicken strips, normal burgers, fish sammiches ect... and lots of tasty BEER.
The crowd tends to range Rockabilly, Psychobilly, Hellbilly to Punk to the occasional lost looking Goth kids. However the scene is very freindly and full of both latent subs and weirdos disguised as normals.
Check it out if you want. If you dont thats fine too, your loss.
If you are looking for me there I no longer am a red head, so old pics may be useless just shout PRAISE BOB and i should be able to find you :P



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Long Weekend

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005


Two points on the moral animal compass

1. Did the bear shit prime numbers?


2. Google this phrase:

"They have very soft tongues, and are very careful and gentle"


teX-Day Photos

WE SURVIVED THE FIRST teX-DAY, and we have photos and verbal hyper-hype to prove it.


These photos, and also a few more not shown here, are on alt.binaries.slack as well.

There are also TWO new Hours of Slack, #s 992 and 993, in the audio Slack stash.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005


Deep in the Heart of teX-Day

Quick version:

Celebrity-only turnout, gorgeous weather, excellent music and
brainraping. The weirdo-hating neighbors did not storm the compound
with torches, merely lurked at the perimeter trying to videotape things
and titties through long lenses.

Wei and I did not attend the Sex Temple events late Saturday night. Not
the ones at High Rock Ranch, anyway. I'm eager to hear, not see, how
those went.

Just being back in Texas is Slack enough, if you're in the right parts
of Texas, such the Mexican restaurants near G. Gordon Gordon's house in
Austin. (Not Taco Bell.) The Stang Ranch and High Rock Ranch aren't bad
either. At Stang Ranch, the goats shit their pellets into X shapes,
rocks and nuclear power collant pipes crack along X-shaped lines, and
at High Rock Ranch, the fire ants and scorpions build mounds in X
patterns. The bull-nettle leaves X-shaped welts.

Other parts of Texas are nightmarishly Pink and corny, like the Houston
airport. But even there, bulldada can be found. There is a
larger-than-life brass statue of Emperor George Bush I that I swear to
GOBBS must be a joke. This statue is terribly noble, of course; George
is facing purposefully into a STRONG WIND, which is blowing the jacket
he's carrying over his shoulder, blowing it so forcefully that it's
flapping straight out behind him. But certain aspects of the statue
make it hard not to interpret this as his jacket being blown by a
TREMENDOUS FART he's emitting. His left hand, swinging back near his
BUTT in mid-stride, is clutching a thick book with the words "WINDS OF
CHANGE" on the cover. The name of the statue itself is "Winds of

Everything at teX-Day was as advertised. There were multiple Buzz
Lightyear Launchings, both sacred and profane, using both rockets and
gold clubs; the rock band Bright Shadow and the speed death hate metal
band Lesh-Nyhan played; there was a huge bonfire, presided over by
Bobot, the famous robot from #subgenius on IRC; there was COFFEE;
ranters ranted and The Great Groovy Neptune started a Dr-jam that grew
to encompass much of the audience and all of the grubby little kids,
and all of THEIR TOYS.

We knew many of the SubGenii there, the Old FrankenDoktors like Dr. G.
Gordon Gorson, Dok Frop, Sister Decadence, and Col. Sphinx Drummond,
and also some of the nice SubGenius Youth from IRC-land, that we had
met at the previous Tricksterian devival -- Dreadstone, Dragonfly,
Maggie, Simon Zero, and some whose names are blocked out right now
because of the drugs. I had a canker sore and had to keep putting drugs
in my mouth. I finally met the crusty but benign Rev. Chupacabra, who
is OLD AS ME! I had been under the mistaken impression he was a young
fellow, and kept wondering, "Who the hell is that cantankerous old
redneck, hanging around acting all familiar??"

A major highlight for me was seeing The Great Groovy Neptune perform
live for HOURS, and filming them from the stage. I was already a big
fan of this band's psychedelia and mind-control music, as heard on CD.
The jam was like the old Drs. 4 Wotan days, only with girls around. I
also got what should be a good video/audio of Loke E. Coyote's solo
set. Plenty of Hour of Slack fodder once I decompress it all.

Rev. John Boy of The Great Groovy Neptune blew my mind by handing me,
for the "Bob" Museum, a god damned YETI STATUE that he had made -- very
well crafted, about the size and detailing of a Ray Harryhausen
stop-motion model. If I could talk some insane genius into building a
ball and socket stop motion model skeleton just the right size, and
another insane genius to imbed it in a foam rubber copy of this Yeti
sculpture, and another insane genius to spend three years animating it
and building sets...

High Rock Ranch itself is the real star of teX-Day. Wei and I spent a
lot of time just exploring and inspecting. There are 50 acres with
antbed-like trails running through VERY DECORATED WOODS, with artwork,
Mysterious Objects and shiny baubles everywhere. Miniature gardens,
tiny gnome ranches under trees, Xmas ornaments and Mardi Gras beads
hanging from trees like fruit, hidden grottos of weirdness, like the
Blair Witch Project crossed with a disco. As I understand it, most of
the art is by Rev. Hel, aka Jes, "Mrs. Trickster."

God almighty can she dance.

Wei is an amateur botanist and I'm an amateur zoologist, so we were in
Hog Heaven investigating the intense bark patterns, say, or the
intereactions between the three major ant species and the ant lions.
Princess Wei thought I was pulling her leg about the ant lions.

She also thought jackelopes and squirrel-bats were merely the stuff of
folk tales!

THE YETI STATUE SURVIVED THE TRIP and is now on the Miracle Mantelpiece
with the Salacia Heart Candle, between the Smilodon Skull and the Pappy
Stang Bust, beneath the matching "Bob"/Anti"Bob" Full Metal Dobbsheads.

The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius



Preliminary planning under way. Start making YOUR plans now.


Sunday, May 08, 2005


The Miricle Of The Concrete Vagina Will Not Die


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