Saturday, September 03, 2005
Friday, September 02, 2005
Forgive me, for I have sinned
At dinnertime today the family sat at the kitchen table and ate our meals. As we did, the TV began to show an "entertainment gossip magazine". I groaned and the wife asked me if the news channel should be turned to. I said no, my first part of this sin.
Instead, I let the TV tell me all the latest information on supposed celebrites, people whose names I had only a vague familarity with. But then up came a segment on Britney Spears. She, even I had heard of.
The mouth on the box was prattling on about Spears up-coming sprog drop and interviewing a baby clothes shop owner who had sold Spears some gear. The mouth begged the owner to reveal to us what gender the baby was, but the owner declined. Still the mouth persisted: "Point to one of those swatches to give us a clue".
At this point I started to turn my head from my Scotch Egg, in order to see what, if any, swatch the owner had indicated. That was my sin.
Fortunately, I snapped my head back when I realised what I was about to do. Now I feel unclean and my neck throbs.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Baby Tingler Found In Lake Erie
Mysterious creature now believed to exist in the millions in the southern part of the lake. When mature, they come ashore to lay their eggs in human brains, causing extreme terror and hallucinations. The last major outbreak was in the mid-1950's, recorded in a documentary movie released in 1959.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
September SubGenius Holidays
months, and yet there are still opportunities for
sanctified excess, personal debasement, outrageous
and offensive conduct, and other sacred acts.
So get down on your scabby knees and DO SOMETHING.
1 Begins the month of Ramalamadingdong
2 St. Benny Hill
3 St. Wendy O. Williams/St. Lawrence Welk
4 St. Chester Brown/St. Ed the Happy Clown
5 St. Henry Louis Mencken
6 Cesarean Section Day (approximate)
7 St. Susan St. James
8 St. Jill St. John
9 St. Dean Corll
10 St. Chico
11 St. Werewolf
12 Rush to Judgement Day
13 St. Livia/St. Barry Fell
14 St. Vaughn Bode
15 St. Gilles de Rais
16 The Day That Shall Not Be Named
17 St. William Shatner
18 Third Nostril of Christ Day/St. John Harvey Kellogg
19 March of the Reanimated Corpses
20 Yummy Kippers Day
21 St. Jerry Garcia
22 Brother Dave Gardner
23 St. la Cicclioni
24 St. Teddy Ruxpin
25 St. Captain Beefheart
26 St. Franz Liszt
27 St. Hieronymous Bosch
28 St. Hazelwood (Beer Day)
29 The Daily Double
30 St. John Waters