Friday, September 16, 2005
A love of a horse for a dolphin
That'll smart in the morning
Another memory KOed
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Everybody Rides The Bus (hey, it's cool, they're legal)
One of my better alt.slack answers
A: An average of n Satan worshippers computed by adding some function of Satan and dividing by some function of n.
Darling, Our Baby Is Handicapped ...
New Pr0n Form Born
Ducks Get You When You Sleep
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
It wasn't difficult for the Revolting staff to find and capture a gray alien. These parasitic creatures, which hail from the far end of the galaxy, can't resist a fresh plate of raw cattle genitals and anuses, so we simply purchased a few pounds of the organs from the "Cattleman's Spread Slaughterhouse" in Ottumwa, Iowa and had them FedExed in a box of dry-ice to our San Francisco offices. That night, two of our interns drove our company limousine to a deserted area near Orinda (about 20 east of San Francisco) and placed the thawing cow parts on a plate garnished with human semen and a freshly-used tampon. The interns then hid behind a duck blind. One intern held a cattle prod, the other a specially fabricated net made of woven aluminum that had been soaking in a negative-orgone box for a couple of weeks.
After a half-hour, one of the interns, Jann, complained that the tape in his Walkman started playing very fast, and soon after his Timex Indiglo watch flashed very brightly for an instant before the crystal broke, ruining the watch (Even though Jann was warned beforehand that Revolting would not reimburse him for any expenses incurred during the capture, he tried to get us to buy him a new watch anyway. We fired him.)
Soon after, a small spacecraft landed near the bait, and a 6-foot-tall alien pilot jumped out of the port, holding a bucket in one skinny-fingered hand, and a pair of tongs in the other. Its small mouth was exuding a large quantity of phosphorescent goo, which we presume was hunger-induced drool. According to the other intern, Tina, the alien looked like a leafless, animated tree, topped with a large triangular head. "There was no cock or pussy on it," she noted later. As soon as the alien approached the bait and began to reach with the tongs, Jann and Tina ambushed it, shocking it with the cattle prod and wrapping it tightly in the aluminum net. "It made a really weird scream, like one of those plunger whistles," said Jann. "And goo was dripping out of it like crazy." (more...)