Saturday, December 24, 2005
And Their Names Were War, Famine, Pestilence, and Death
Gotta kill them all
Friday, December 23, 2005
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
She's Brian's Girl
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Can't wait till it comes out
Monday, December 19, 2005
"Yay, Toto! The Necronomicon Has Returned Us To The Land Of The Dead!"
Sunday, December 18, 2005
In a related story, Ashlee Simpson aka the Blue Temple Viper of the "Deadly Viper Assassination Squad (DiVAS)" had sliced and diced her way through the entire suddenly assembled oncoming onslaught of the Inane 99 at the House of Red Rips Leaves just prior to her scheduled musical performance on MTV Japan Thursday. Ashlee took the Tokyo stage by storm, swinging and stinging with her latest hit song, "Boyfriend". Alas the samurai superheroine finally collapsed when our dear sweet Bambi met... Godzilla.
Oh no, there goes Tokyo/ Go go Godzilla, yeah!/ History shows again and again/ How nature points up the folly of men/ Godzilla!
GET WELL QUICK! WE L.O.V.E. ASHLEE.
A funny thing happened on the way to the inquisition: The Church of the SubGenius digest, The Stark Fist Of Removal, reports that their Reverend Doctor "Blowhole," AKA thewaymouth, an unabashed Ashlee Simpson fan, when asked to comment on her latest atrocity exhibition at first just shook his head. But then he removed the bottle from his lips only to replace it with his foot. It was hard to deal with what his Blowholeship was going on about, while he drunkenly stumbled about the McDonalds dining room, with one shoe on and the other off, as he rambled on and on his removed dirty boot. Let us bear cross-eyed and painless witness to the hereby transcribed camera-phone testimonial:
"Oh, how thewaymouth aches. I most madly and gladly would have given lip-synched and tongue-drinked kiss to anoint, cool and revive my passed-out pop queen's hot foot. But then the king of fool's crown I'd wear it proudly...
These boots by the way, taste great. Oh friends, as the Firesign Theatre golden hind reminds, 'Humility tastes better than being conceited and not having a well-rounded personality. Lick a boot, man. You'll find by golly it'll make a difference in your life. I know it did to mine... You'll find a different color underneath. The polish of life comes off, the taste remains the same, but the tongue of the shoe can never be told a lie... And turn on any rock 'n' roll radio station in any city and listen closely, dear friends. The language in the song lyrics combines the slang of prostitutes and drug addicts...'
Oh, Ashlee, how I long to put your foot up in my mouth. You know I won't spit you out for I do have your back... Dear friends, won't you help Ashlee sing, her songs of freedom, by totally requesting 'L.O.V.E.' today and each day you prey upon the Top 40 and give a hearty har-har shout out to 'all my girls, this is for you. 'ello 'ello l.o.v.e. Oh did you hear me say? I'm talkin' 'bout love! '
Ashes to ashlee, dust to stardust, this megatop phoenix gonna rise above, she must... Little sister, you'll outrun both the sun and the son as you a hell of a lot more than outdo what your big sister done... Keep on rockin' in the freebird world... She can dance she can sing she can clown she can bring it on with everything and more till there's nothing left to lose out on the floor but herself...
Peace, Love & Anarchy to all of you who take off your shoes for industry and smack your lips hard on the feet of the beat to the remains of the refrain of 'Fire, walk with me...' rocky mountain way up firm and high on top of, oh Canabliss. And Power to the People rite on to casually Friday walk away from them everyday people as you ease on down and have it your way on Dupeya's Farm. And to our brave brothers and sisters in shakedown street clothes styling against the houses of WTO fashionable fascism, may Bob be WTF with you and on you and in you and then get the hell out of the way of anarchy's sway just before they send you on your have a merry Jerry balls back in black and blue jay way."
With that thewaymouth kissed the store manager's foot, then laid himself upon the counter and laid out 5 million dollars, betting that they would not roll out the red carpet for Ashlee to return.
And with that thewaymouth was then riot-squad torn and frayed with pepper spray, water cannon and rubber bullets as his teeth and bloody lips were suddenly displayed all over the place until theway no longer had such a perty mouth, for twas then back in black and blue in the back of the police station poked and jammed with every imaginable phallic symbol of oppressive gitmo authority before being hot-wired permanently shut with hot cattle-prod action just after its dying words of "and to all a good fight, and good fuck."