Saturday, February 17, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
IMPORTANT PRESS RELEASE
Contact: The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. 1-216-320-9528
Fax: (216) 320-9528
Anna Nicole Smith Awarded Sainthood by SubGenius UFO Cult
February 14, 2007: The Church of the SubGenius has awarded posthumous
Sainthood to late performer and actress Anna Nicole Smith.
The Church acknowledged Miss Smith's fey, outrageous lifestyle and
agreed that it meets its standards for Sainthood. Church founder J.R.
"Bob" Dobbs laid down a set of rules for members of the Church to live
their lives, and Miss Smith's life has met the following criteria:
1. She spent her life Slacking Off, and did not conform to the
expectations of others.
2. She achieved fame and fortune not through hard work or
intelligence, but basically through dumb holy luck.
3. As seen from her many photos and TV appearances, she ate the
hell out of her fair share of cheeseburgers. This meets the
definition of a SubGenius commandment: "Don't just eat that hamburger,
eat the HELL out of it!"
4. She was martyred by the "Pinks" (a SubGenius term referring to
"normal people"), after being crucified in the press.
5. Like Saint Mary Magdalene of the Catholic Church, her child is a
"Son of Man". Unlike Mary, who claimed that no mortal was the father
of her child, it seems as though every male (and perhaps a few female)
mortals are claiming to be the father of her child. The Church uses
this as the basis for its prediction that Miss Smith's child shall be
a prophet of the SubGenius.
6. The Church of the SubGenius encourages wholesome sexuality,
which Miss Smith exuded to excess (at least during her prime years).
In the official Calendar of SubGenius Saints, the date of May 1st will
be set aside for honoring Miss Smith. She will share this day with
Saint Catherine I (The Great) of Russia, who also had Sainthood
bestowed on her posthumously by the Church.
The Church of the SubGenius is a popular organization often seen as a
"parody" of religious cults, including Scientology, the Raelians, and
the Unification Church. It was founded in 1953 by a mysterious figure
named J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, whose smiling, pipe-smoking image has been
seen worldwide in chip art, graffiti, tattoos, and rock albums from
performers ranging from Devo and George Clinton to Sublime. A number
of celebrities are SubGenius ministers, including former Talking Heads
singer David Byrne, Penn Jillette, late science fiction author Robert
Anton Wilson, comic book artist R. Crumb, and Pee-Wee Herman.
In 2001, the Church offered a formal invitation to Miss Smith, for her
to attend its annual End of the World celebration (X-Day) as a
vacation from the stress of her daily life.
Anna Nicole Smith is not the first celebrity to be awarded posthumous
Sainthood in the Church. In 1986, an official SubGenius minister
ordainment was bestowed upon Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, a
scant two weeks before his death. In his published autobiography,
rock and roll singer Frank Zappa acknowledged his agreement with the
Church's ideals, though refused to join the organization; a posthumous
Sainthood was awarded to him by the Church shortly after his passing.
The official home page of the Church of the SubGenius can be found at: