Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Chopping Coconuts, SubGenius Fail of te Day


Josie James gives me a chubby

Josie James by ~IMBJR on deviantART

Cheesecake Josie by ~IMBJR on deviantART

Monday, December 15, 2008


A Secret Report from within the Arting Guild: 2008 Year-End

Spice production break-down (figures do not include approx. 19 items of recently mined materials):

1 unit of AVI
21 units of GIF
2 unit of JPEG
3 units of MP4
9 units of PNG
209 units of TIFF
= 245 units.

Compare these figures with 2007: approx. 281 units.
And 2006: approx. 851 units.

As one can see, there is a marked drop in production. This is attributable to 2 factors:

1. Very poor access to Usenet as a medium of distribution. Other channels are used, but they have not enjoyed the same volume of production (except in 2006).

2. Over 10 years of spice production has made mining very difficult. Dobbs is rarely used as a whole ingredient, with his pipe, if at all, being the tokenistic feature. THAT is now rarely used; the miners were not aware of the faddy nature of this product prior to its use. The cult of the hexagon, however, continues strongly and is starting to enjoy mutated usage.

Despite what appears to be a decline, spice is still produced - and it is hoped that it is quality spice, of a type not much seen from this producer. As such, late 2008 and early 2009 vintage spice is being stockpiled, to be released in more conventional formats sometime mid-2009. However, be warned: this producer is subject to whim and the spice dividend may appear much later or be diluted in interim releases.

This producer leaves you with a little bit of the colourful stuff:

and wishes you a happy Xistlessnessmas and X-Day 2009.



The holiday rush is on, but we can still take orders up until midnight, Thursday Dec. 18. It's the SubGenius holiday of Xistlessnessmess, during which we unshackle our factory workers and send them home for a couple of weeks. BUT! If you order a gift by late Thursday, it can go in the mail on Friday and you or your intended victim will have it by Xmas.

What if X-Day happened on Xistlessnessmess Day? It wouldn't be the first time vast numbers of humans were slaughtered by an Act of God on Dec. 25. You'd hate to see your loved ones go unordained and unsaved on that day just because you procrastinated, dragged your feet or were dead broke.


Even those who have become ordained ministers in the Church need the three major bibles of our religion. Of course, everyone already has THE BOOK OF THE SUBGENIUS, but many SubGenii consider REVELATION X to be better, and the Third Testament, Psychlopaedia of Slack THE BOBLIOGRAPHON, to be better yet.

ALL BOOKS WE SELL ARE SIGNED BY YOURS TRULY, REV. STANG. That has actually been true for years, but we thought this Xmas we'd actually MENTION that fact.


Illiterates might be happier with our primary DVD, ARISE! If you haven't seen the new improved version (updated 2005), you have not even LIVED. There are several more recent SubGenius DVDs available as well. The great thing about our videos is that they are not copy-protected. When you buy one for yourself, it's like you are buying one for all your buddies as well.


But the greatest gift of all, short of Salvation, is a subscription to THE HOUR OF SLACK so that every week for 6 months, you or your begifted one will receive the uncensored version of the same professional audio CDs that the radio stations get.


Another good deal would be any of our MP3 stashes on CD-R. With one $15 purchase you can have up to 80 Hours of Slack, or mixed media barrages, music and devival recordings.


And of course there are hundreds of designs on shirts, hoodies, baby clothes, mugs, buttons, posters, mousepads, geegaws, etc., at our sprawling SubGenius Store on CafePress.


WE KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING FINANCIALLY, now that the EconoCataclysm has arrived (just as "Bob" predicted in 1977!). We too feel the emptiness in your wallet. But your heart and brain need not go empty just because you are dead flat-ass broke. WE STILL OFFER FREEBIES GALORE on our website, latest of which is:

(Only for Windows PCs, sorry)
This intense visual hypnosis device was created by Rev. Frank Force and you can download it directly from him via:


Of course, Hours of Slack are always available for free download, and this week we're offering our traditional SubGenius Christmas Rerun, an incredible barrage of over 70 different tracks, each of which takes a truly SICK or otherwise deranged bite out of the holidays. If the Christmas Carols that run incessantly and annoyingly on the Muzak speakers in your environment are about to drive you completely nuts, this show is the antidote. That's Hour of Slack #1183. The previous show, #1182, is also Christmas-y, albeit disrespectfully.


Get those Xmas orders in by Thursday Dec. 18 and we'll have them all in the mail by Friday Dec. 19! If your order is a gift you want sent to someone else, simply put your friend's name and address in the "SHIPPING ADDRESS" box.

In the meantime, we at The SubGenius Foundation wish you and your pals an extremely Slackful holiday.

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